Random Story of Doom
by Dark Priestess Tsubaki
Summary: Random stories. NOT for the sane minded. Contains cookies, gnomes, electrical outlets with forks, mimes and other random things. If you don't like random,short stories, don't read it.
1. Voldemort vs Gnomes

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did he would have died a long time ago and Voldemort would rule the world.

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One day Voldemort went for a walk in the Forbidden Forest. 

"Hey look gnomes!" he yelled.

Suddenly the gnomes turned black and began attacking him.

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!"

Then Voldemort woke up. He grabbed his bear and hugged it.

"It's okay Mr. Buttons." He said to the bear. "It was just a dream."

-Fin-

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A/N: Yeah I know it's bad and short. Probably just one chapter, but if anyone wants me to I can write more random chapters. 

Ps: I do NOT own Mr. Buttons!


	2. Mr Weasley vs Electrical Outlet and Fork

A/N: And I am back with another random chapter. People wanted me to update and I got no flames so far so here it is!

Disclaimer: I OWN HARRY POTTER! Mwahahahaha -gets sued-

-cries-

* * *

Once upon a time Arthur Weasley joined the dark side. 

He laughed evilly, killed people and ate cookies. You know evil people stuff.

He joined the dark side because he was promised electricity if he did.

So one day, while taking a break from evil, he wondered what would happen if he put a fork in the electrical outlet. Let's just say the results were shocking.

-The End-

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A/n: Yeah it's not as great as the last, but it's still random. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'm thinking of doing a random take on the final battle next, but I'm not sure. Let me know if you have any ideas because I'm slowly running out. 


	3. The Downfall of Lord Voldemort

A/N: Okay here it is a very messed up version of how Voldemort was defeated. As well, thanks to everyone who reviewed.

* * *

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort said as he pointed his wand at Harry. 

And that was the end of the-boy-who-lived-only-to-be-killed-by-the-old-man-who-couldn't-kill-him-many-years-before.

"That reminds me I have homework to do!" said Hermione as she ran off.

"You killed Harry Potter!" yelled Neville. He took out his wand. "I'll…I'll…"

"You'll what? Stutter at me?" Voldemort laughed. "Ha ha ha! That's funny!"

Voldemort, being the thick git that he is, kept laughing, forgot to breathe and died.

And that's how Neville defeated the dark lord.

-End-


	4. now for something completely different

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed and submitted me some ideas. I really didn't expect so many. Okay this story is based on submitted ideas so enjoy!

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"I love you!"

Sirius Black was being chased by a fan girl by the name of Lady Livia.

"Ahhhh!" yelled Sirius. "Moony could you help me?"

"Uhh…no." said Remus. "I have my own problems right now." He was being attack by giant origami.

"This isn't right!" cried Lady Livia. "Sirius is supposed to love me!"

-Author change story and makes Sirius and Lady Livia ride into the sunset on a basilisk and live happily ever after.-

"Hey what about me?" said Remus.

Author: Uhhh…

Ron and Hermione suddenly appear next to him.

"Here," said Ron handing a jello cup to Remus. "Use this."

The giant origami pieces see the jello and disintegrate.

"Ron, is that my jello?"

"Umm…"

"I'm going to kill you!!"

The-End

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A/N: Yeah I know, it doesn't make much sense. If it does seem to make sense, good for you. I hoped you liked it. As I said I took everyone's ideas and packed it into one story.

Thanks for reading.


	5. Spirits Made Me Do It

A/N: Okay so the last chapter was bad, so hopefully this makes up for it. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Son Of Dork.

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Dumbledore ran around his office, lighting candles, while wearing a red bed sheet. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. 

"Enter" said Dumbledore as he placed spoons next to the candles.

"Sir," said Harry as he walked into the office. "You wanted to see…what is going on?" His eyes moved from Dumbledore in the bed sheet to the candles and spoons. "Why are there candles and spoons lying around?"

"Spirits made me do it!" whispered Dumbledore.

"Sir, I think you need some help." said Harry as he slowly backed out of the room.

"No Harry! Don't leave me!" Dumbledore yelled as he grabbed Harry's wrist. "You don't understand…" He looked around and said quietly. "They're watching me!"

"Yes I know the government-" Harry was cut off.

"No not the government Harry." He looked around nervously. "It's….it's…THEM! Aliens!"

"Right…"

"Yes Harry. As Son of Dork says _'We're Not Alone'_ so it must be true!" And without warning, he dove under his desk.

-The Next Day-

"I'm not crazy!" Spirits really made me do it! Dumbledore yelled as two men dressed in all white were dragging him out in a straitjacket. "Spirits I tell you! SPIRITS!"

"It's okay old man." said one of the men dressed in all white. "We're getting you some help."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" said Dumbledore his screams slowly fading.

-A Few Days Later-

Pansy Parkinson left her dormitory early and entered the common room, only to see Draco Malfoy, who was wearing a green bed sheet, curled up in a fetal position in the corner. Scattered around him were lit candles and sppons. He looked up when she entered the room.

"Spirits made me do it!"

-End-

* * *

A/N: Crazy, I know and based on a true event. Don't ask! 


	6. Voldemort vs Bella's Cookies

A/n: Sorry for the wait for this. I'm back at school after exams so I've had less time to update. I had a snow-day today so it gave me some time to update this so please enjoy!

* * *

Bellatrix Lestrange was in the kitchen of the Death Eater hideout baking cookies.

"What are you doing?" asked Lucius Malfoy, as he walked into the room.

"Baking poisoned cookies for that Potter brat and his friends."

Just then Lord Voldemort walked into the room, completely oblivious to the conversation.

"Hey look cookies!" said Voldemort as he grabbed a cookie.

"Umm…. master I don't think you want to eat that." said Bellatrix.

"Yes Bella I think I do. I don't need to go on a diet. If you can't love me the way I am, then we're better off not being together." And with that, Voldemort ate the cookie, fell over and died.

"Do you think he really is dead?" asked Lucius moronically. He took out a stick and began to prod Voldemort. "Um…" said Lucius when Voldemort did not react to being poked repeatedly in the side.

"RUN!" yelled Bellatrix, and she and Lucius ran from the room.

A few minutes later Serverus Snape walked into the room. "My lord, Potter has found and destroyed all of your horcruxes and…" his voice trailed off as he looked around the room.

"Oh Merlin!" he yelled. "Cookies!"

-Fin-

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A/n: Good? Bad? Amusing? Thanks for reading! 


	7. See Harry, See Harry Run

Disclaimer: I do not own: See Spot, see Spot. Run spot Run.

See Harry. See Harry see Voldemort. See Voldemort chase Harry. Run Harry Run. You see, Harry stole Voldemort's cookie. See Voldemort catch Harry. See Voldemort kill Harry. Ha ha Harry. Ha ha. See Ron. See Ron witness the whole thing. See Ron wet his pants. Ha ha Ron. Ha Ha.

A/N: Yup, I was in a really random, sugar induced mood when I wrote this, so once again enjoy. As well, don't worry I have no plans for ending this soon, so the angry mob in front of my house can go away now.


	8. The Facts Of Life

A/n: This is bashing those "Harry is Voldemort's son" fics. As well**, do not read if you do not know the facts of life**.

* * *

"Harry, I am your father." said Voldemort.

"No!" said Harry who was in denial.

"Yes it's true."

"But how…?" Harry wondered.

"You see Harry, when two people love each other very much, or get really really drunk…" and Voldemort explained the facts of life to Harry.

"NOOOOOO!" yelled Harry, and with that he died of shock.

* * *

-Fin-

A/n: Once again very short. I wanted to update this but I didn't have much time to write a longer one. I think this may be the end, because at last I've run out of ideas. But don't worry I'm thinking of writing a new series soon, so stay tuned!


	9. Hair Gel Tragedy

A/n: Yay, I'm back with another random chapter so enjoy!

* * *

Every morning Draco followed the same routine. Get up, love himself, take a shower, love himself, choose what he was going to wear (with the choice of the uniform, the uniform, or the uniform, it was so hard to choose.) He would then love himself, get dressed, love himself for 5 more minutes, then go down to breakfast. 

But today was different. His hair gel was gone! Dun dun dun! Oh the inhumanity!

"What am I going to do?!" Draco said to himself. "Without my hair gel I'm nothing!"

He ran into the common room to see if anyone had seen his hair gel.

"Excuse me," he said to a first year. "Have you seen my…"

Suddenly, the common room was engulfed in chaos. People were running around yelling things like "Mommy!", "I'm blind!" and "Without his hair he's nothing!" and of corse, Crabbe and Goyle running around the common room screaming like 5 year old girls.

"But, but…" said Draco. He turned and looked at a mirror that randomly appeared on the wall.

"Aaahhhhhhh!". He screamed higher (if at all possible) than Crabbe and Goyle had, before he collapsed on the floor in a fetal position. "With out my hair I'm nothing!"

Suddenly a mime with perfectly gelled hair walked into the common room, put Draco into an invisible box, and ran away again with the gel, leaving Draco and his un-gelled hair stuck in the box for all eternity.

**-The End-**

* * *

A/n: And now we know, never trust mimes with perfectly gelled hair. Also I have a new story up, so read and enjoy! 


	10. Search for the CrumpleHorned Snorkack

A/n: Sorry for the wait, but I have been extremely busy, but hopefully this chapter will make up for it. Yes I know the Lochness monster is in Scotland, the Crumple-Horned Snorkack is in Sweden and this chapter takes place in neither location, but enjoy anyway.

* * *

Luna, Hermione, Ron and Harry were walking through the Forbidden Forest looking for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Luna wanted to prove to Hermione that it did exist. Ron came along because there was nothing better to do, and Harry was dragged along because no one trusted him alone.

"Are we there yet?" Harry complained. "I'm cold and hungry and my feet hurt!"

"Harry," said Hermione. "We only left five minutes ago!"

"Five minutes? Time for a snack break!" And with that, Harry sat down in the middle of a clearing and began to eat paste.

"That better not be expired." said Hermione. "Do you want a repeat of last time? Because I sure…oh look grass! I must watch it grow!" And with that, she sat down next to Harry and began to watch the grass.

"So that thing we're looking for... is that it?" said Ron stupidly.

"It's called the Crumple-Horned Snorkack and no, that's not it." replied Luna slightly annoyed.

"What about that?"

"That's the lochness monster, and no they're not the same thing."

"Oh," said Ron. "What about that?"

"No."

"That?"

"Nope."

"That?"

"Nuh uh."

-5 minutes later-

"What about that?" asked Ron for the thousandth time.

"Yes Ron it is." said Luna sarcastically.

"Okay!" said Ron completely ignoring the sarcasm. He took out a giant net and crept slowly towards it. He swung the net and...

"Ow! What the Eek!"

...hit none other than Lord Voldemort who was having a tea party with his fellow Death Eaters.

-The End-


	11. Snape's Insanity

A/n: Sorry about the delay in updates, but hopefully this will make up for it. As well, for those who don't know, bleu is French for blue and it's not a typo.

* * *

One day Snape went insane, but more on that later. 

"Ten points from Gryffindor, because Weasley's potion is the wrong shade of blue. I said the potion was supposed to be blue, not bleu."

"But sir, you can't take away points for that!" said Hermione. "And Ron's potion is the right colour."

"Ms. Granger is being a know-it-all again, 50 points from Gryffindor."

Hermione shut up at once.

"Oh look it's Malfoy! And his potion is red, 100 points to Slytherin!" He turned and looked around the room.

"Potter hates me," said Snape reading Harry's mind. "200 points from Gryffindor. 100 more points will be taken because his father hated me too."

Just then Neville's potion exploded.

"Longbottom's being incompetent again, 250 points from Gryffindor, and 50 points to Slytherin because I'm just that awesome!"

"Sir," said Hermione bravely. "Gryffindor doesn't have anymore points."

"No…no more points?!" cried Snape. "Noooooo!"

He paused. 'Oh well there's only one thing to do in this situation!"

The whole class stared as he jumped up on the desk and begain to do the hokey pokey.

-End-


	12. The Chaos At Malfoy Manor

Author's Note Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the previous chapters.

* * *

"Oh my god Draco!" yelled Lucius. "I would have thought better of you! In front of company too!" 

The Death Eaters were having a party at the Malfoy Manor.

"Fine then father," said Draco, as he put a pair of sunglasses over the eyes of the basilisk he was riding.

"You know what I mean," said Lucius. "Now come down here this minute and put some pants on."

"Never!" yelled Draco as he rode away with his father following.

Meanwhile Peter Pettigrew had Serverus Snape under the Imperius curse, and was forcing him to wash his hair.

"Ha ha!" laughed Peter. "Your hair is clean! No…what are you doing?!" Peter stammered as Snape fought off the curse.

As Snape attempted to murder Peter, they passed Bellatrix, Rodolphus and Narcissa, who were playing charades.

"Okay, guess what I am," said Narcissa as she mimed cutting off her nose.

"Oh I know! I know!" said Rodolphus jumping up and down with his hand in the air. "Pick me. Pick me! You're Harry Potter aren't you!?"

"No you dolt," said Bellatrix smacking her husband in the head. "She's obviously that mudblood Hermione Granger."

"Shut up all of you!" said Voldemort as he took his soufflé out of the oven. "I did it! My life finally has meaning!" he continued happily looking at his masterpiece.

Suddenly Peter and Snape ran by, causing Voldemort's soufflé to deflate.

"Damn you!" Cursed Voldemort, as he shook his fist at them before falling to the floor and having a tantrum like a three year old.

* * *

-The End- 


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note: Thanks to AribethDA who gave me the idea for this chapter. As well, this chapter is a result of too much sugar, exposure to extreme heat and boredom.

* * *

Late one night, Harry, Ron and Hermione, as well as a few other Gryffindors were sitting in the common room.  
"Ron," said Hermione who was correcting his homework. "A lot is two words not one."

"Hermione, I'm a little busy right now," he replied. He had started a fire in the middle of the common room and was burning random objects.

"Are you using those right now?" Ron asked Hermione pointing to a large stack of books beside her.

"No. You can borrow them if you want," said Hermione unaware of what Ron was doing.

Grinning manically, Ron walked over, grabbed the books and proceeded to throw them on the fire.

Meanwhile, Harry was talking to a face he had drawn on his hand a few hours previous.

"Harry, Ron, Hermione?" said Neville who was looking out the window. "You-Know-Who's in the grounds. Aren't you going to go stop him?"

"Neville, we're busy right now" said Harry, who was now trying to remove his hand because it had disagreed with him.

"But he's taken Trelawney and Umbridge hostage."

They just ignored him.

At that moment, Albus Dumbledore ran out of the castle towards Voldemort, with his arms outstretched, attempting to hug him.

Voldemort let out a high pitched scream as he released Umbridge and Trelawney, ran towards the gates, and once outside the grounds, he disaparated.

**The End**

* * *

A/n: I've run out of ideas once again so message me if you want to see a certain character parodied. If you need more random things to keep your minds occupied for a while, chapter 3 of Failures Of A Dark Lord is up so read and enjoy.


	14. Where's Waldo?

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who gave me chapter ideas. I have two ideas, a talent show and one where Harry thinks he's emo and I will post them as soon as I can think of endings. Anyway, enjoy this chapter.

* * *

One day, Lord Voldemort was sitting alone in his room, in the death eater hideout, looking at a book.

"Wormtail," he called while staring at one of the pages.

"Yes my lord?" said Wormtail suddenly appearing in the doorway.

"Tell me," Voldemort said, handing him the book. "Can you find Waldo?"

Wormtail took the book and began to search the page for Waldo.

Suddenly Serverus Snape and another random death eater entered the room.

"What's wrong?" Snape asked.

"We can't find Waldo," said Voldemort.

"I've found Waldo," said Snape.

"That's nice," said Voldemort not really paying attention to Snape and began to look at the book over Wormtail's shoulder.

Not long later, a small group of death eaters were standing around the book, all trying to find Waldo.

"I have an idea," said Bellatrix, taking out her wand. "Come out damn it!" she said as she pointed her wand at the book.

"No!-" said Voldemort taking out his wand and deflecting the spell.

"I know where Waldo is!" said Snape once again.

"No spells!" Voldemort continued, once again ignoring Snape.

"I think I've found…wait…nope."

"I've found Waldo!" said a random death eater.

"Really?" asked Voldemort.

"No …"

"For the last time!" yelled Snape. "I've found Waldo!"

"Serverus," said Voldemort calmly. "Shut up or I will kill you."

After a few more minutes of silence, Snape spoke again.

"Can I show you where Waldo is yet?"

"Okay fine Serverus," said Voldemort finally admitting defeat. "If you think you're so smart…"

Snape turned to the death eater next to him and lowered his hood.

It was Waldo. (Dun dun dun!)

"Waldo!" said Voldemort. He paused for a moment before asking, "Can I have your autograph?"

* * *

The-End 


	15. In Case Of Fire

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who enjoyed the where's waldo chapter.

Once upon a time there was a boy named Harry Potter. Harry Potter was secretly a pyromaniac.

"Harry," said Hermione crossly looking at the fire Harry had started. "What did I tell you about playing with fire?"

"That it was okay as long as I didn't set anyone including myself or Mrs. Norris aflame…" Harry muttered as he stared hypnotically at the flames.

"Aguamenti," said Hermione pointing her wand at the fire. Nothing happened. She also tried to vanish the fire, which was also unsuccessful.

"Ron, help me!" yelled Hermione as the fire started to spread.

"Well…I do remember reading something in one of Fred's old textbooks…" said Ron as he pulled the book out of nowhere and opened it.

"Here we go, 'In case of fire, turn to back'," he read aloud. He followed the instructions and turned to the back. "'I said in case of fire moron'."

"Oh real helpful," said Hermione sarcastically as she rolled her eyes.

"Wait there's more written under it," he continued. "In case of a real fire, turn to page 317."

He once again followed the book's instructions and lazily flipped to the page. He read the instructions scribbled at the top. He looked up for a minute, before he closed the book and threw it on the fire.

"Ron!" yelled Hermione. "Why did you do that? That book was our last hope!"

She watched Harry get bored of the fire, get up and start a new one.

"What?" said Ron defensively. "It said 'In case of a real fire, throw in'."

The End


	16. Death Eater Talent Show

Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed or flamed this story. This chapter is pretty much the same stupid stuff without a lot of detail, but it is longer. So review or flame, the author says she really doesn't care either way, just don't waste your time commenting on her reviews, it just shows you have no life.

* * *

"What?!" said Serverus Snape in disbelief. 

The death eaters were sitting around having their usual Wednesday afternoon meeting.

"You heard me Serverus," said Voldemort. "This Saturday we're going to have a talent show, and you all must participate!"

"And what if we refuse to?" asked Snape.

"You'll be killed or worse…" said Voldemort glaring at Snape.

"What's worse then death?" asked a random death eater.

"You'll be forced to listen to the muggle song 'Cotton Eye Joe' non-stop for a week," muttered Voldemort threateningly. "Well get practicing your talents and I'll see you back here on Saturday."

-Next Saturday-

"Welcome," said Voldemort who was standing on a small stage. "This will be the first, of hopefully many,"

Everyone groaned.

"So just have fun…and Fenrir can you please go ONE night without eating someone…"

Fenrir Greyback licked his lips and turned away sulkily from three hooded figures next to him.

"Okay so who wants to go first?" Voldemort asked the room happily.

Everyone in the room sat still not daring to move.

"Serverus," said Voldemort. "How about you?"

"Well my lord…" Snape muttered. "I really don't want to do this…"

Voldemort just glared at him while tightening his grip on his wand.

"Imperio!"

Snape, under the influence of the curse, reluctantly got up on stage and began to dance which looked like a cross between the funky chicken and the hokey pokey.

After a few seconds of 'dancing' Snape stopped and returned to his seat.

The death eaters just stared at where he had been moments before, silent and confused.

Suddenly Albus Dumbledore ran into the room.

"I'm talented!" yelled Dumbledore. "I'm on next!" He jumped up on the stage.

"How…how did you get in here?" stuttered Voldemort while watching the new arrival.

"What you must learn Tom," said Dumbledore. "Is cans on a string do not make a good security system."

Suddenly the song 'I'm Too Sexy' started playing and Dumbledore began to strip.

Random death eaters began to shriek, while others complained about going blind. One of the hooded figures next to Fenrir began to throw tomatoes.

After a few minutes of chaos and assorted confusion, Dumbledore was bound and gagged in the corner, fully clothed.

"Well that was…interesting," said Voldemort who appeared on stage once more. "Bellatrix, why don't you go next?"

She got up on stage.

"I wrote a poem," she said. "We are the death eaters, we kill people and we rock. The end."

All the death eaters were silent for a minute, and then they began to clap. One death eater started to cry and yelled 'That's beautiful man!'.

"What?!" yelled Lucius. "It didn't even rhyme! I can do better than that." He stood up. "Here's what a real poem sounds like: I love me, I love me! I love you…wait…I love me! Even Draco's hair isn't as good as mine."

"Hey!"

Silence surrounded them once again, as a tomato flew across the room and hit Lucius in the back of the head.

"Does anyone around here have talent?" Voldemort asked the room. When no one responded he said "Fine then, I'll go next."

He left the room and returned a short time later. He was holding a badly-dyed-pink Persian cat. He set it down on the stage and backed up a few paces.

"Come here Mr. Whiskers," he said to the cat. "Come to daddy!"

Mr. Whiskers just stared at Voldemort before curling up and going to sleep.

"Boo!" yelled the three still-hooded figures in the back as they threw yet more tomatoes.

"Fine then," said Voldemort. "If you think you can do better…"

The three approached the stage as the one turned to his friend.

"Harry, I don't have any talents…"

"Just think of something quick!"

They turned and faced the crowd.

"Uh…hi…" said Ron lowering his hood.

Everyone gasped.

"Ron, you're an idiot," said Harry also lowering his hood.

Voldemort grabbed his wand and poined it at Harry.

"Avada Kedavra!" He yelled. A jet of green light shot out of his wand and hit Harry.

"I do have talent!" said Voldemort happily. "I finally killed Harry Potter!"

He walked past Ron and the last remaining hooded figure to where Harry lay. Voldemort studied him for a minute before kicking him.

"I'm not dead," said Harry.

"Be quiet," said Voldemort quietly. "Corpses can't talk."

"I have talent," said Luna who finally decided to lower her hood.

She then attempted a muggle magic trick and sawed Ron in half.

"That's great," said Ron, who was now in two halves. "Now could you put me back together?"

"Well…I…um…kind of don't know how to do that part of the trick," said Luna. She began to hum quietly to herself as she walked absent-mindedly from the room.

"Okay then…" said Voldemort. "I guess I will now announce the winner." He paused for a minute. "And the winner is…me!"

The death eaters looked around shocked for a minute.

"Attack!" they yelled as the advanced on Voldemort.

-A Few hours later-

"Uh…help? Anyone? Please!?" Voldemort asked.

The death eaters were so enraged, they had taken him out into the middle of nowhere and tied him, naked, to a tree and left him there.

-The End-


	17. Insert Chapter Title Here

Harry and Voldemort stood in a clearing out in the middle of nowhere, planning to take each other down.

"Ha ha Potter!" Voldemort laughed evilly. "Prepare to die!"

"Yeah, okay whatever you say," said Harry who wasn't paying attention. "Just hurry up…" He began watching an owl flying towards them.

The owl landed in front of Voldemort. He glaced at it confused for a few minutes before removing the letter addressed to him:

_To the Dark Lord,_

_Please return quickly._

_McNair shoved a_

_crayon up his nose,_

_and Bellatrix bit me._

_Lucius tied Nagini_

_in a knot and we_

_lost your favoutite_

_toupee._

_-Narcissa Malfoy_

Voldemort was furious. How dare they lose his favourite toupee?!

"Sorry Potter," said Voldemort folding up the letter. "But we're going to have to reschedule. How about tomorrow?"

"Can't…" said Harry. "I've got this thing…how about Wednesday?"

"Can't," said Voldemort. "I'm um…getting my hair done."

Harry glanced at Voldemort and his baldness sceptically.

"Scalp massage?" said Voldemort. Harry shook his head. He did not believe that either.

"Okay fine!" said Voldemort sounding defeated. "Nagini and I were going to spend the day together watching cartons, soap operas and old home movies. What about Thursday?"

"Thursday? Hm…sorry I've got to blow dry my cactus…how about Friday? Friday's okay for me."

"Hmm….okay then," said Voldemort. "Friday it is."

They stared at each other for a few moments before disapparating into the night.

-The End-

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Author's Note: I know it's not that great and very short, but I hope you enjoyed. I've got writer's block so the next few chapters maybe delayed. But as always if you have any ideas, message me. 


	18. The Lawn Mower

Author's Note: This is another sugar-induced chapter.

* * *

Lucius Malfoy returned to the manor from the usual weekly Death Eater meeting. Today's meeting involved trying to kill Harry Potter and failing, then sulking, then trying to cheer themselves up by getting drunk and singing "If you're happy and you know it". They had decided to end the meeting after several noise complaints and a few attempted murders. 

Lucius had just passed through the gates and saw Draco cutting the grass with a muggle contraption. He walked quietly into the manor, hoping to avoid his son. He walked down the hall and entered the kitchen and saw Narcissia reading the newspaper.

"What the hell is my son doing?!" he asked angrily.

"He's cutting the grass with a lawn mower," she replied calmly without looking up.

"But…what are the neighbours going to say? What is the Dark Lord going to think when he finds out about this?"

"Oh I don't think the Dark Lord will mind," said Narcissa, nose still buried in the newspaper.

"Are you mad? What makes you say that?" yelled Lucius, angrier still.

Narcissa finally put down the newspaper and surveyed her husband.

"It's more than likely that I'm mad. With Peter going through a phase where he refuses to wear pants. He also keeps stealing my newspapers, cuts them up and puts signs everywhere that read 'think happy thoughts'." At this point she got quiet and leaned towards her husband and muttered. "And I think my cheerios are plotting against me! I looked down this morning and you know what they spelt? They spelt 'OOOOOOOO"

Lucius stared confused for a minute, processing what he heard.

"Oh…okay then…" he stuttered. "I...I guess I'll…go…talk…to my son…now…"

He backed away slowly before breaking into a run to get away from his wife who had apparently gone around the insanity bend.

He ran to the front yard to where his son was cutting the grass.

"Draco, what do you think you're doing?" said Lucius.

"I'm mowing the lawn. What does it look like?"

"Draco, get inside right now before the neighbours see what you're doing. And the Dark Lord…what would he say if he saw what you're doing right now?"

"I really don't think he would care," Draco shrugged.

"And why do you all think he won't care? You're using a muggle invention!" yelled Lucius, temper rising.

"Just go look in the backyard," replied Draco, turning away from his father and resuming his task.

Finally realizing no one would give him a straight answer, he decided to go and investigate. He walked into the backyard and it took him five minutes to process what he was seeing was well and truly reality.

Voldemort was mowing the grass in the backyard and was wearing a sundress and matching sunhat.

The-End


End file.
